Happy Wednesday!  Today, I am expressing gratitude for our well and the water it is providing to our gardens and trees.

It has become a daily ritual of care for me--get up and water, greet and talk to the ancient apple trees that were here when my grandparents bought Maryacres--coaxing them to continue living--and then doing the same for all the new bushes and trees we have planted since we moved in.  I carry the water in buckets we found buried in the barn, imagining what it was like when life was more simple and focused on the land.  It seems more reverent and it is obviously better exercise for me.

After this, the kids and I do yoga on one of the decks--I am teaching them to do some sun salutations so they can be a bit more centered as we venture out into our day.  The new deck in front of the house is spacious and open and we LOVE it.  It is also shaded and there is usually a breeze that drifts over us from the MAGNIFICENT maple tree my uncle planted years and years ago.  It, too, is a gift to us.

What gifts from the earth do you enjoy every day?  How are you giving back to this spectacular land and making it more beautiful?  

I feel so empowered and happy when I am outside and connected somehow to the Earth--to the dirt in my gardens, to the rough bark on the trees, to the animals and wildflowers.  By watering, walking on and talking to the land and feeding it and its creatures, I see myself inside that beautiful circle of life.  It isn't a lot, but my actions matter and they make a difference.

Know that yours do, also.  You and your relationship to the world around you is important.  Take time today to BE with the land...to ground yourself in its power and allow your spirit to sky into the sky.

Namaste.

I think I shared that I recently (within the past two months) got a cell phone for the first time in 4 YEARS!  Yes, that is right, I said 4 YEARS--we were WITHOUT a cell phone, track phone or any other type of mobile device AND we survived!  I think I heard you gasp.

I like the security of having a phone with me in the car when I am out and about driving with the kids.  You never know when you might need to call someone about something...I enjoy being able to call from the store to see if we need more than just a gallon of milk.  I also LOVE being able to capture cute pictures of my kids and interesting things that I see WITHOUT having to cart my digital camera around.  Plus, if there is an emergency or I am delayed by something unexpected, I can pull over and call 911 or my family.  It is nice.

That said, it is taking FOREVER to get up and running!  I feel like such a novice--I think that is my kind word for "CLUELESS!"

For instance, I STILL have not figured out how to load apps on my phone.  Like GPS, FB or Meetup...


What are YOUR favorite apps that you CAN'T live without?  I would LOVE to hear about them and learn how to better use this device--so tell me what you did to best set up and utilize your "smart" phone.  


A friend of mine suggested I have my niece or nephew help me--they are in their teens and LIVE and BREATHE with their cell phone and its applications.  I thought that was a really good idea.  They could also probably set up some AWESOME yoga playlists for me, too.


Here is a link to one application I would like to load soon!  I LOVE supporting local businesses and think this movement is wonderful:


http://www.the350project.net/look_local_home.html


I guess, all in all, I am OK with not knowing about this stuff.  It forces me to ask for help--another thing I am working on--allowing others to assist me--to appreciate the skills and talents in other people around me and being open to RECEIVE their expertise and generous offer of insight and support.  So, I'll just reiterate: I welcome any helpful ideas and suggestions you have!  


I hope you are also stretching and reaching out to things that make you feel uncomfortable--those things that are just out of your reach and make you squirm a little with wonder and fear.  It gets back to what we talk about in yoga class--finding your "edge."  That place where you feel the intensity of living and breathing fully in the moment--it is uncomfortable and unnerving, but it isn't painful or overwhelming.  

In fact, when you find that edge and take time to explore it, you may feel EXHILARATION!  Savor that and all the other blessings in your life.  


Namaste.   

I have been really aware of this quote lately--on the mat and off. We have been working on a bunch of projects around the house so everything is a disaster and the yard looks like something out of an old Sanford and Son episode. When I drive around town, I see dry, but well-manicured lawns and front porches and it can be difficult to NOT COMPARE...to feel that small bubble of anxiety and voice of criticism slowly surfacing--do you know the one? That voice that says, "Your family is strange and your house looks junky and you are not one of US?" I hear this same voice on the mat sometimes. It whispers and flashes images of people who are thinner and prettier and more athletic, and the joy I feel in practicing yoga and meditating begins to slowly deflate or my breath becomes fast and worried. Does this happen to you?

It used to happen to me ALL the time--before I found meditation, went to therapy, started practicing yoga and having acupuncture. It has been a long and winding road of forgiveness and shedding, and I am sure that process will continue throughout my whole life. I WANT IT TO CONTINUE, because that means I am letting go of comparison and accepting and embracing ME and MY LIFE.

So now, when I hear those voices in my head or see those images, I STOP and I BREATHE. I breathe in love and breathe out judgement. I look at my mat and my life as a canvas upon which I can create MY LIFE AND PRACTICE--no one else's. Just mine. If the life I create inspires or uplifts others to do the same, that is wonderful, but it is NOT my purpose. Mine is to create and not compare. Enjoy creating your life today. Namaste.

Getting lost in my thoughts isn't so bad...

I have noticed lately that I REALLY NEED to be outside. 

To touch the earth with my hands and knees, to run my fingertips over the soft petals of a flower or the rough bark of a tree.  I have a desire to GROUND myself...to get out of my analytical brain and instead breathe and feel my body moving with the swaying of the branches overhead or the song of the cranes in the field. 

I spend too much time on the computer--updating my website, posting notices to facebook, pinning something to Pinterest, scheduling something on Meetup or working in publisher to create a calendar or poster. 

I LIKE doing these things--I'm not trying to mislead you--I like the creative aspects and instant feedback and gratification of reaching someone in cyberspace...writing something that resonates with another human being.

However, these are not thoughts for myself...they are not my musings, inspirations, hopes and secret wishes.  They are like a business card I staple to a bulletin board in a coffee house...something interesting and eye-catching, but not ME.  Does that make sense? 

Often, I go outside to be with myself and to go within.  I feel my stillness and notice where I am holding back--tears, anger, disappointment, joy, excitement...things that I am afraid to shed completely in front of my kids, dad and husband.

I go outside to be more connected to the wildness inside of me--to that being of freedom and forests, of fireflies and flowers...beautiful and imperfect, yet splendid BECAUSE of the glorious edges and darkness.

I like to wander and stop.  To sit on the grass or a large, flat rock and think.  I am reminded of how when I teach yoga, I am present and in the practice for OTHERS, but it is not my own.  I can't just close my eyes and listen to my breath and allow it to help stretch my leg or lengthen my side or release my shoulders.  I am thinking and explaining, watching and sensing, giving feedback and adjustments.

It is the same when I am at home, working on my business and being a mom.  It isn't MY time--it is doing for others and being present for them, and I LOVE it...but I NEED to get outside or to be away for a moment and have my "on-the-mat" time.

What do you do to connect with your truest and deepest self?  Do you do it enough?  How can you find more time to get on your mat and practice being with YOU?

Reading and writing is another thing I do for ME.  I like to go out for coffee or just wander through goodwill or steins and imagine things I can create or plant or wear just for ME.  I find the more time I set aside to get LOST within myself, the less LOST I am in my life.  I have more clarity and direction, more purpose and priority.

I hope you are making time this weekend, with all the doing and going, to get out alone and just LOSE yourself in YOU!  What a grand Memorial Holiday that will be!

Namaste.

Making time for the small things in life...

A sweet Mama has moved in at Maryacres.  It is Robin--a silly, innocent mother who has found a place to build her nest right under our noses. 

She scared the daylights out of me one night a few weeks ago when I came home after teaching class--it was dark and the porch light came on as I moved toward the front door.  She bolted and fluttered back and forth protectively around her nest until I moved away.  


After about ten minutes of shooing and smacking mosquitoes, I made a quick dash to the door while she stood near her nest, looking up at the light as if in a trance.

I LOVE robins and have spent numerous spring and summer days looking for nests and the pale, pretty blue eggs.  They symbolize rebirth and renewal--hope and joy springing up in every corner of the land--and gratitude for a time to recharge and explore. 

So--you can imagine how happy I was to get this picture and the ones below of Robin and her little babies.  When Robin is out and about looking for food, I carefully creep to the cabinet, pull up a box on which to stand (I am vertically challenged, you know) and then raise the camera carefully over the nest to take the pictures.

As the weeks have passed, Robin has become more accustomed to the dogs and us coming and going, yelling, barking, laughing and moving around.  She has been a good mother--gathering and sitting, warming and then leaving, returning with things to give comfort and nourishment to her small chicks. 

I admire her and her patience and tenacity.  I admire how she focuses on the small things that need to be done to survive and thrive in our world, but I also LOVE how she knows how and when to rest.  She flits and flies here and there diligently digging and protecting, and then gently drops food into her chicks' open and awaiting mouths.  It is a LOT of work, but she doesn't complain or let up.  Instead, she settles down over the chicks to keep them warm and safe.  It is beautiful and comforting to see.  


I watch her when she is gone, too, and see how, when she is away from the nest, she also takes time for herself--to clean her feathers, to grab food for herself, to sit on the roof of the smokehouse and sun herself.  It is an important reminder to me and ALL mothers.  Take time for YOU.  MAKE TIME!  We are all better and more loving when we do.  We are able to mentor our children in how to live WELL in this world--instead of JUST survive.

There were originally three small chicks in the nest, and seeing them reminded me again of my own situation--we have three kids whom I adore and upon which I dote--I spend an inordinate amount of time gathering and preparing food, helping them test their wings in the world, making sure they feel safe and confident--LOVED!  I can't imagine my life without any of them and their unique personalities and gifts.  I am so blessed.

Sadly, though, our Robin now only has 2 babies. The dogs unfortunately startled one out of the nest this week and it didn't make it. It broke my heart so see it laying on the ground so still and stiff.  Part of my universal mother wisdom cried out at Robin's loss and I wanted to do something to comfort her.  We had a ritual to celebrate her baby's life and how it had touched ours.

Little Shrek, Miss A., John and I wrapped the small, soft bird in a piece of old flannel sheet with roses on it and then tied the bundle together with a blue ribbon. We dug a hole near Mowgli (our lab, who died and is buried behind the house in a small clearing in the trees) and placed her beautiful, small body in the ground.

The kids said blessings of "I wish you were still alive, but since you aren't, I hope you get lots of big worms and juicy 'drubs' in Heaven with the angels." We put pine cones and flowers on top of the grave and wished her sweet chick happy flight.

I will ALWAYS remember this small moment with my kids because it was so special and filled with love--the love I have been feeding and nurturing them with.  It was kind and sweet and a perfect reflection of my "mothering."

I saw in that moment that they are learning even the tiniest of "God's creatures" matter--as does their life and how we honor it. 

It made me smile and know that my "chicks" are growing up and will leave the nest soon enough.  It also has encouraged me to STOP and cherish more of the small, seemingly inconsequential moments in our life together.

What are doing to welcome and honor the teachers who show up on your front porch?  How are you "mothering" yourself and others in your life?

Remember the small moments and enjoy the life you are weaving with them.

Namaste.

Taking my yoga practice outside to garden...

Did you get outside yesterday?  It was a SPECTACULAR specimen of Wisconsin weather and a great reminder about why I LOVE living here!  With a light breeze and the mist from the hose, the kids and I barely noticed it was in the eighties...and my eldest, who is off of school for the week because he has suspicious whooping cough symptoms, commented cheerfully, "All the other kids in my class have school today, but I get to be outside in the sunshine.  This is best part of my day."

We have been cooped up inside resting in jammies for the past few days, so I told them it was time to get out in the fresh air.  It feels so amazingly wonderful to be alive on days like yesterday--you sweat, your skin flushes, and you breathe deeply while you listen to the cardinals and robins singing and the wind blowing in the maple leaves overhead. 

This setting is what I imagine many times in my meditations...a perfect place of peace and calm...well, almost.  It was soon interupted by the kids screaming and fighting, squealing and laughing, dogs barking and running and bikers, buses and mopeds moving by...you know, normal day to day distractions.

When I continued to breathe and sink my hands into the earth to plant new vegetables and happy marigolds, these sounds melded quickly into the background and it was again relaxing and calming.  Are you like this?  Do you, too, need to be outside, connected to the Earth and its grounding richness? 

I think of yoga as I am working--how my hands are like my feet, when I am down on my knees--grounding me and connecting me to my source.  I love the solid strength I feel in my palms as I press down and I often arch my back into cat as I move down the row--just stretching and breathing so I don't get stiff or sore.

Here are some pictures of what I am doing--just cleaning up and using spaces around the buildings at the farm...remembering as I dig, the many times I did the same thing with my grandmother in the same spaces.


Digging and pulling, planting and watering, watching and waiting for things to bloom and flourish.  I channel her sweet spirit and devotion to this land and farm with everything I do lately and it makes me so wonderfully happy and content. 

I hope you are finding joy in these late spring/early summer days.  They are magical and precious and they pass too quickly if you don't make time to stop and savor them.

Happy Mother's Day!

This is a picture of my mother, when she was young.  


I carry it with me as a reminder of who I am and how every moment I can choose to grow and share my light and love or let that light slowly go out--dampened by guilt, anger, disappointment and fear.  


My mother was an amazing woman and teacher--something I didn't really realize until much later, years after she had died.  


She was funny and smart and so pretty.  She was incredibly talented and hard working and did a lot in the community and our family to make it beautiful and better.  


She was also an abusive alcoholic, riddled with regret for a life she had wanted but didn't find.  


I used to think she was horribly mean and weak.  I was angry at her for abandoning us again by dying at such a young age.  But, all of those thoughts and feelings now seem judgmental and small.  


She died at the perfect time for her soul.  Her disease was just one part of her--it did NOT define who she was or how she is remembered.  


When I speak to my children about her, I am candid yet loving.  She was an INCREDIBLE woman who gave much of herself to others.  She raised strong, intelligent and hard-working children--who sometimes struggle with issues of not being good enough...but these are OUR challenges--not hers.  


She helped me realize that no matter who tells me I am this or that, none of it matters unless I believe them..Unless I give MY power away.  


I am not giving away my power.  I choose to continue growing and shining--holding my light in reverence.  


On this special day of thanking mothers everywhere, I thank MY mother and myself--for EVERYTHING--the struggles, the laughter, the tears and rejection.  ALL OF IT!  For without her and our life together, I would not be HERE in this life that I am creating.  I LOVE IT and am so grateful for the start she gave me.  


I recently took a writing class where we created poetry from words in our journal.  I have been experimenting with this more and more and have been enjoying the release it provides.  I write a lot about my mom and my kids and this wonderful, crazy life that has sprouted up in the middle of nowhere.  


This is my tribute to my mother--it is simple and just right for what I need at this moment in my life.  I wish you the perfect celebration for YOU--You deserve everything and anything you can dream!

You birthed me in hope and held me with wonder

When I was small and innocent

You talked to me about dreams

And lovingly planted beautiful possibilities

In small, fertile corners of my self

Places I would later uncover

like hidden treasure

I cherish this tarnished, forgotten gold

I unwrap these pieces of YOU

Every day

Unexpectedly finding your strength

Your belief in me—in everything I am and will be

I feel your love and savor the embrace

You send on the wind

I notice the energy of your hands

Guiding mine in the Earth

Together we plant again

Seeds of hope

And love eternal   


Namaste.