Cake and Communion

I awoke this morning before 5AM--a bad dream that I couldn't shake.  I laid in bed for a while breathing deeply and relaxing my body, but I wasn't tired.  The dream had been so vivid and insistent.  I decided to get up instead and padded downstairs in slippered feet.

I put my shoes on and called our dog down to go outside into the cold spring air.  Together, we walked around in circles on the frosted grass and then moved over to  the compost containers to make an offering of cilantro, carrot and bean tops, squeezed limes and orange pulp.

The sky was the color of a soft summer peach and the frost on the grass sparkled in the fresh morning light.  It was so quiet and peaceful.  I stopped to listen.  The light pecking and pounding of a woodpecker on one of the ancients gathered my attention.  It is a tree of my childhood and a sense of protective pride welled up inside.  I yelled, "Hey," into the chilly morning, but remained anchored where I was, watching the sky turn more dreamy orange.

I ran into the house, calling my dog impatiently in for breakfast and grabbed my camera--afraid the unique palette of color would fade while I was gone.  I took this picture and some others of the crystalized grass and flowers and then sat on the porch stairs and closed my eyes.

In these small moments of breathing and being, I communed with the natural world around me.  I could feel my connection to the earth and sky, to the trees and birds, to the air and animals.  It was tangible and magical and I wanted the sensation to go on forever.  The feeling of cold and wet seeping into my sitting bones from the porch demanded otherwise, though...I decided to go in and commune with some food.

I have been discovering a hidden love for baking and cooking recently--probably because I am making time to explore the possibility of blending and chopping to create edible art.  I made a cinnamon swirl cake with fresh fruit so the kids could have a warm, sweet meal for breakfast and then put the kettle onto boil--tea, that is.  Steeped and served with whole milk or cream (for the boys) or almond or coconut milk (for our girl) it is better than coffee.  Taking that first hot sip of stablizing goodness was my second moment of fleeting communion.  REALLY!  That is what tea does for me...it is immediately grounds and comforts my soul.  Do you have this same addiction?

After breakfast, I went over to do a couple psychic-mediumship readings to benefit the Washington County Humane Society (WCHS).  If you are interested in having me do a reading for you, just call or email The Soul Source and I will get back to you to set something up.  I want to continue practicing my connection to spirit--another deeply gratifying type of communion for me--so that the link comes quickly and effortlessly.  I am asking $10 for a 15 minute psychic card reading or $20.00 for a 30 minute psychic mediumship reading, and I am donating all the proceeds to WCHS.  I felt I received solid evidence for the people who came and I closed up for the day feeling so happy and grateful.

When I got home, the kids and my husband were waiting to go to my niece's 1st Communion party.  What a beautiful vision in white she was--complete with headpiece and freshly wound curls of perfection.  It was a stunning preview of the amazing women she is growing into and will continue to become.  The whole afternoon was saturated with goodness and laughter, with an understanding and acceptance I haven't felt in a while (even with the disagreements we had).  Maybe this feeling comes hand in hand with age--we are all getting older and bearing witness to the unfolding of new generations can be very humbling.

No matter what, these final moments of listening, talking and connecting with my family were so sweet--like the icing on my day cake.  I am full--physically and emotionally--of love, devotion and hope for our future and I want to just say, "Thank you." For everything and everyone in my life.  This seems to be the most simple and perfect way of communing--to express gratitude over and over in words, actions and thoughts.

Thank YOU.  Namaste.

Practicing Warrior

“The art of being a warrior is to balance the wonder and the terror of being alive.”

Carlos Castaneda

I love Warrior I--it is a place of finding balance and comfort--of CLAIMING my own strength.  I like how my hips and chest are open and facing forward...shining a path in front of me.  I enjoy the feeling of tilting my gaze upward to celebrate the infinite expanse of sky and stars and all my ancestors and angels.  

I also like moving back and forth between Warrior I and Pyramid--not just for the intensity and ease, but because doing this reminds me of the need, in life, to bend and sink, lengthen and reach.  Every day.  

While in these poses, I wonder:

"Can I push through a situation by turning my gaze outwardly?" 

or 

"Do I feel like taking a risk and exposing my heart or would it be easier to fold down and breathe into the situation?"  

Yoga is filled with practical insights that relate to many situations in my life and help me cope with them as well.  Yoga teaches me over and over to breathe and notice...to respectfully and mindfully balance on the edge of comfort and intensity...of wonder and terror. 

I inhale and lift--I am strong.  

I exhale and bend--I am resilient.  

I flow back and forth--I am ALIVE.  

Simple Meditation for Releasing Negative Emotions

There are many times throughout the week that I just stop and remind myself to breathe.  Do you ever have those kind of days?  When you are feeling rushed and impatient...when you wish the day was almost over, but know it has just begun?  I allow these moments to happen--I know that.  However, saying that doesn't make them seem any less crazy or real.  


What does, though, is when I hear my daughter say, "Mama, you are yelling...we don't yell."  I immediately stop and breathe...deeply and slowly.

It is in these moments, I realize the physical characteristics of tension--my shoulders are hiked up to my ears, my face feels warm, my breath is shallow and more rapid...I am STRESSED.  Usually, it is about being late for something or having to repeat the same thing over and over at least 36 times in 20 minutes.  Silly, unimportant stuff that seems important, but really isn't. Does this make sense? 


I apologize for raising my voice and thank my daughter for reminding me that I was speaking at a level 4 instead of a 2.  Part of me celebrates the fact that I am becoming more aware and less likely to win the "Like Mother-Like Daughter" award for parenting, but the other part of me still feels like CRAP.  "Bad mother," whispers that scared part of me who pretends kind and quiet Virgin Mary was my REAL mother.  I want nothing to do with the screaming, brilliant, cruel, beautiful alcoholic banshee who was my role model.  


No excuses...just reality. 


It is on these days when I especially need a few moments to myself--not an hour or two, just a few minutes of quietness where I can sit or lie down, close my eyes and just breathe.  You can try it, too.  Here is one of the meditations--simple and easy--that I do to release negative emotions and beliefs.  


Find a comfy spot for YOU.  Notice your breath--try not to judge.  Just allow the thoughts and feelings to come and go easily.

Pay attention to the sound and flow of your breath--hear and feel it moving in and out of your body.  Observe any thoughts or feelings running through your mind or bubbling to the surface.  

When you begin to feel more calm and centered, place one hand below your navel and the other just above it. Feel your belly expand widely as you inhale and collapse back toward your spine as you exhale deeply and slowly. 

After 5-10 complete breath cycles, place one hand above your navel and the other on your heart so you can feel your breath moving easily through your body as it expands and contracts--going deeper and deeper with every breath.  Allow your heart and chest to open even further--inviting a sense of complete, loving compassion into your experience.

Your mind feels more quiet, your body seems more relaxed and soft.  You imagine yourself smiling easily, beginning to see yourself in a safe and happy space.  It can be anywhere.  Let limitations and doubt melt away with each exhalation.  With every inhalation, invite possibilities and magic into your imagination. 

When you are ready, quietly inquire, "What was it like to be a young child blowing bubbles?"  Let a memory come back to you slowly.  See yourself or your child or grandchild blowing bubbles outside on a beautiful summer day.  The sun is out, the sky is blue and you feel warm, safe and comfortable.  Take time to recreate this memory and visualize the space--see colors, take note of the fragrances and your feelings.  BE this young, exquisite child.

Inhale and dip your wand into the bubbles.

Exhale and slowly blow the bubbles out through the wand sending all your worries and stress with them.

On your next couple of inhalations, dip your wand into the bubbles and visualize the clear sparkling soap filled with joy and love--so as you inhale, bring that warm and healing feeling of joy and love into your body and allow it to flow down to your toes and out to your fingers further encouraging you to relax and slow your body down.

As you exhale, blow any type of anger or frustration, tension or stress that you have carried throughout the day into these wonderful soap bubbles and send them all floating away from you—just release these negative feelings and let them go--making more room for joy, love and warm healing energy in your body.

On your last two inhalations, visualize pushing the wand deep into the soap bubbles and noticing the happy anticipation of being free from worry.  Blow any final feelings of frustration or stress out of your body--send huge bubbles into the air above you. As you do this, imagine laughing and smiling as you see the bubbles taking your stress far up into the clouds and away from you.

You now feel relaxed and centered and ready to return to your normal functions. Open your eyes and stretch out your arms and legs before getting up.


Perhaps, like I am, you are now ready to give "being" another go.  I am off to do my best--feeling lighter and more free of those "should" and "could" demons...for now.  


Namaste.