I am Jen...

I am Jen...

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Getting lost in my thoughts isn't so bad...

I have noticed lately that I REALLY NEED to be outside. 

To touch the earth with my hands and knees, to run my fingertips over the soft petals of a flower or the rough bark of a tree.  I have a desire to GROUND myself...to get out of my analytical brain and instead breathe and feel my body moving with the swaying of the branches overhead or the song of the cranes in the field. 

I spend too much time on the computer--updating my website, posting notices to facebook, pinning something to Pinterest, scheduling something on Meetup or working in publisher to create a calendar or poster. 

I LIKE doing these things--I'm not trying to mislead you--I like the creative aspects and instant feedback and gratification of reaching someone in cyberspace...writing something that resonates with another human being.

However, these are not thoughts for myself...they are not my musings, inspirations, hopes and secret wishes.  They are like a business card I staple to a bulletin board in a coffee house...something interesting and eye-catching, but not ME.  Does that make sense? 

Often, I go outside to be with myself and to go within.  I feel my stillness and notice where I am holding back--tears, anger, disappointment, joy, excitement...things that I am afraid to shed completely in front of my kids, dad and husband.

I go outside to be more connected to the wildness inside of me--to that being of freedom and forests, of fireflies and flowers...beautiful and imperfect, yet splendid BECAUSE of the glorious edges and darkness.


I like to wander and stop.  To sit on the grass or a large, flat rock and think.  I am reminded of how when I teach yoga, I am present and in the practice for OTHERS, but it is not my own.  I can't just close my eyes and listen to my breath and allow it to help stretch my leg or lengthen my side or release my shoulders.  I am thinking and explaining, watching and sensing, giving feedback and adjustments.


It is the same when I am at home, working on my business and being a mom.  It isn't MY time--it is doing for others and being present for them, and I LOVE it...but I NEED to get outside or to be away for a moment and have my "on-the-mat" time.


What do you do to connect with your truest and deepest self?  Do you do it enough?  How can you find more time to get on your mat and practice being with YOU?

Reading and writing is another thing I do for ME.  I like to go out for coffee or just wander through goodwill or steins and imagine things I can create or plant or wear just for ME.  I find the more time I set aside to get LOST within myself, the less LOST I am in my life.  I have more clarity and direction, more purpose and priority.

I hope you are making time this weekend, with all the doing and going, to get out alone and just LOSE yourself in YOU!  What a grand Memorial Holiday that will be!

Namaste.

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