Flying & Traipsing Along

Have you ever had this kind of day?  Where something wonderful lifts you up and you feel proud and relieved and HAPPY?   You just float along--flying through your day...until you run into a cloud or a brick wall?  You come down fast and feel yourself for a while dragging and traipsing--still a bit high and grateful from flying, but feeling somewhat dazed and heavy?  That is the kind of day I had yesterday.

It has been a long and eventful year with our eldest being in public school for the first time.  Many times, I am GRATEFUL beyond words for the progress in social skills we have see in him.  His teacher is very responsive, patient and real which is what he needs.  However, I have to say, I have also had more than one conversation with my husband about how effective the public educational system is..or is NOT. 

The teachers are overwhelmed with getting kids to pass tests instead of gaining life skills, looming budget cuts and changing tax regulations that take away a lot of writeoffs they could make in the past, and that doesn't even begin to encompass the babysitting and parenting they are having to do for absent or completely bewildered parents.   

I tried to volunteer, but decided not to bother when the background check process took over 3 months and would have COST ME $40.00.  So our son's class is still without a volunteer.  No wonder teachers need three months off--they would probably all have nervous breakdowns without the time away.

As a result, we have been toying with the idea of homeschooling or doing a Virtual Academy again because it seems every day our son comes home with more frowny faces than smilely and a list of everything he did wrong instead of right.  PLUS, in the car, on the drive home, when he is safe and warm and unraveling the stories and experiences from the day, we inevitably hear about how some other student has hit, kicked or punched him AND gotten away with it, because the same kid has convinced him that if he tells the teacher, he is a tattletale. 

This is only the 1st grade, too!  What kind of stories will I be regaled with when he is a teenager and there are hormones AND crappy parenting skills at work? 

Anyhow, it was a BIG deal when he was able to make a decision for HIMSELF recently AND feel good about it.  He wanted to get a Lego game and I told him that would be fine if he wanted to take $ out of his piggy bank to buy it.  He was very sure of himself and his decision until we had paid for his game and were walking out the store.  That's when he started to cry and said, "I want both--the game and the Angry Birds t-shirt." 

We sat down and had a wonderfully insightful and mature conversation where he lamented, "I don't know how to make decisions.  What should I do?"  I folded him into my arms and whispered, "Life is FILLED with decisions and only YOU can make the BEST decision for you.  Mama can help give you ideas and listen, but ultimately, YOU need to choose what YOU want."

After he calmed down and talked about his options, he decided to put the game back and get the Angry Bird t-shirt.  It didn't cost him anything (it cost me something) and he can save his $ for something he REALLY wants!  We returned the game and paid for the shirt.  When we were done with the transaction, he gave me a watery smile and said, "I think I made a good decision."  I told him, "I think you made a GREAT decision!  I am so proud of you!"  He was proud of himself, too.

I rode this high until yesterday afternoon, when he got out of school and told me that he had refused to read to one of his classmates.  I didn't crash down, but I was pretty deflated.  He told me, as we sat on the playground bench and discussed the situation, that he was afraid to read to a boy in his class because he's sick and bruised and he didn't want to get that way, too.  Oh, gosh...

Disappointment and empathy mingled together.  This little boy is sick and bruised and he is only a few months older than my son...It was unkind behavior but, illness can be a really scary thing for young kids. 

We spent a good deal of time talking about how there are LOTS of different people everywhere.  We reminded him that he can act a LOT differently than other kids sometimes and that, when they are unkind to HIM, it hurts his feelings and makes him feel really sad and alone.  These conversations were eye-opening for him...and for us. 

I said on FB, "Today wasn't the best day for our eldest...it provided us all with a wonderful learning opportunity so, I guess, in essence it was a REALLY GOOD day. I know this sounds confusing, but it makes perfect sense to me." 

I guess that's what I meant about "Flying and Traipsing Along."  Life is like this...You soar and then tumble, you have extreme clarity and then are overwhelmed with confusion, you are high and then low.  I think the lesson is not in how to avoid these situations, but how to smooth and polish them out a bit so the ride isn't so extreme.  I am learning how to pull in my wings a little when I am flying and pick my feet up when I am stumbling along so I can even everything out.  Hope you are finding your way, too.